It's one those days where I wake up in a somber, contemplative mood mainly thinking about relationships: the good, the bad and the ugly. You see, a lot has happened in the past few months and to take my mind away from pressing issues, I have marathon nights with my complete Sex and the City DVD set. Why? Because at this point in my life, I can relate so well with each character. Some days, I feel like being "Samantha" where one can be so detached from any romantic feelings and is all about physical satisfaction. On other days, I feel like I'm "Charlotte", a hopeless romantic who's never deterred to find that one true love although she's had her share of ups and downs. Then there's "Miranda", the ever cycnical and pragmatic gal. And then "Carrie", who is a combination of all three other characters.
In the series, Carrie's life mainly evolves around the loves of her life: writing, shoes, men and NYC. Like me, the pivotal moments are characterized by the major relationships in life. I recently met a Mr. Big, Aidan, Berger and a Russian all rolled into one. To those of you who know and understand the characteristics of each of these men know that this is major. It conjured and stirred up all sorts of feelings in me from being deliriously happy, carefree to a crazy, mad woman. I'm still trying to recover from all that and the main question is: will I ever? I can go on and on trying to rationalize this one and have even resorted to hours chatting with psychics online...money down the drain (some of these psychics charge $20/min!). Each time I think about how much I've spent I cringe. Why waste the money and the time? Well, for one it's addicting to see if their predictions will come true; if a psychic can actually be clairvoyant, and well, frankly, to see if the Mr.Big-Aidan-Berger-Russian guy and I are meant. Of course, they all say what you want to hear so you keep going back for more. But I know what the truth is...it's one of those things you just have to let go. It's like lusting after an Alexander McQueen shoe - in theory it's good, in reality, it will never be what you thought it would be and is impractical.
I still don't understand the saying that things happen for a reason. I don't see any reason why I met this guy, although the connection is undeniable, it's not enough to sustain itself...to sustain me. All in all, timing is everything. Great loves never had a chance because it wasn't a good time. So if that's the case, since we can't turn back time nor can we move it forward, we're pretty much faced with the inevitable - to live our lives in the moment that's given to us. "Look unto this day, for yesterday is only a dream and tomorrow is only a vision" - Sanskrit poem (an excerpt)
And if you're a Sex and the City fanatic, you'd know why I picked this particular dress...